Well, there you have it. That failure that I fear so much it numbs me and I do nothing? I’m in it. And, in some ways, it’s every bit as bad as I have imagined it to be. I’m scared to face the music- scared that people will reject my oh-so-flawed self. I know I have a rough school year ahead of me– I’m going to have to work my butt off, get results, and even then, I probably still need a miracle to get where I need to be to be “successful”.
But, you know what keeps running through my head? “my power is made perfect in your weakness…”
It’s from one of my favorite verses, 2 Corinthians 12:9…
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Wow. When I fail, God’s power becomes perfect. When I fall short, I learn to lean more on God and Christ has more room to reign his power in me. It gives me chills! How great is that? Here I am at my breaking point- literally crying to my mom about how I’m a failure, and yet God puts that verse before me.
This isn’t anything new. I’ve heard this sermon time and time again, but, lately, God’s been taking me back to the basics. He loves me… a lot. He’s perfect, I’m not. I’m not so good without Him, but with Him– well, the sky’s the limit.
I think I’ve always supported my quest for perfectionism with the reasoning that we should strive to be more Christlike… Christ is perfect, therefore I should be, too. But, what I’m seeing more and more is that my quest for perfection pushes God away rather than bringing Him closer.
It’s something I should have learned a long time ago, but hey, I’m dense and stubborn, so I’m taking my time. It’s time for me to stop being so afraid of God and everyone seeing the many cracks in my shell.